Stonks!

Stonks! is a satirical, single-player stock market simulator that pokes fun at the temptation — and the folly — of picking individual stocks over simply buying the whole market. Start with a fictional $10,000 and choose your path: gamble on 40+ entirely made-up companies spanning every sector (Technology, Health Care, Financials, Consumer Discretionary, Communication, Industrials, Staples, Energy, Utilities, Materials, and Real Estate), or just buy BORE — the Boring Total Market Index Fund. History suggests one of these is a much better idea. Random, humorous news events fire throughout the day and move prices: Fed meetings, jobs reports, earnings calls, product recalls, presidential tweets, analyst upgrades and downgrades, short squeezes, and real stock splits. Just like in real markets, the same headline can send prices either up or down depending on the market's mood that day. Sometimes a stock just moves for no reason at all. That's markets. FEATURES - 40+ fictional companies across 11 sectors, plus the BORE index fund - Long and short selling, with margin calls for over-leveraged bets - 20 achievements, from Diamond Hands to Margin Called - A live "you vs. the index" performance chart - An end-of-run report card with a snarky performance roast - Cosmetic themes unlocked through play - A local run history so you can track your past attempts - No account, no ads, and no internet connection required — everything runs and stays on your device THIS IS NOT FINANCIAL ADVICE Stonks! is a work of satire and entertainment. Every company, ticker symbol, executive, news event, and price movement in this app is entirely fictional and generated for comedic effect. Nothing in this app is real market data, and nothing in this app constitutes financial, investment, trading, tax, or legal advice of any kind. The in-game currency has no real-world monetary value. It cannot be purchased, exchanged, withdrawn, or redeemed for real money or any item of real-world value, and it bears no relationship to any actual security, company, fund, or market. Investing real money carries real risk, including the risk of loss of principal. Nothing you see in this app — including which strategies appear to "win" — should influence real-world financial decisions. Before making any investment decision, consult a licensed, qualified financial professional. Past performance, including simulated performance shown in this app, is not indicative of future results, real or fictional. By downloading and using this app, you acknowledge and agree that: (1) it is provided for entertainment purposes only and "as is," without warranties of any kind, express or implied; (2) the developer makes no representation as to the accuracy, completeness, or reliability of any content in the app; and (3) the developer is not liable for any decision, financial or otherwise, that you make during or after using this app, nor for any direct, indirect, incidental, or consequential damages or losses arising from your use of, or inability to use, this app. Play at your own risk. Try to beat the index. Statistically, you probably won't — and honestly, that's kind of the point.