Monkey Business Quiz

It looks like a proper game show. Lights, music, four answers on the screen. There is one problem. The host has no intention of letting you win. Monkey Business Quiz is a general knowledge quiz where THE HOST CHEATS, and your job is to catch him at it. Free, works offline, no account needed. HOW HE DOES IT He adds a fifth answer and calls it complimentary. He swaps the question halfway through. The fifty-fifty takes out the correct answer, and he offers to sell it back to you at half price, one time only. He rearranges the answers while you are looking somewhere else. Your winnings arrive with a handling fee, a studio fee and a small administrative fee. And when he runs out of ideas, the studio lights fail, the ceiling leaks, or a fly gets in. But every scam has a TELL. A small sign, a moment before it happens. A blink. An asterisk in small print. A breath at the wrong time. Learn the tells and you start winning. He will then think of something new. THE POINT OF THE GAME Your score is not whether you won. Your score is HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TAKEN OFF HIM, all time. You spend it on junk from his stall and on tokens for his arcade. He is not a thief so much as the cheapest man alive. He will rig an entire television production to save four cents, and he will itemise it for you afterwards. WHAT IS INSIDE • 298 general knowledge questions, 223 of them shown as a picture on an old television set • Three envelopes of questions from the family, bought with what you take off him: my brother-in-law's computer, my nephew and his games, my father-in-law's garden • Three levels of greed: Warm-Up, Full Monkey and Hardcore • The Wheel, the Bazaar, daily deliveries, tasks and certificates with a stamp • An intelligence meter after every round, which is also rigged THE ARCADE, retro machines Second page of the menu, you swipe across. Recycled machines, every one of them bought secondhand from a man who knows a man. A 1998 phone with a snake, a 9999-in-1 console with racing, a 1995 computer with minesweeper, a television with a duck shoot, and a backyard where a worm runs from chickens. You put in a token, worth ten cents of your quiz winnings, and the first ten games are free. Then you play for the record. He cheats here too, differently in each machine. The snake loses its tail. Your car changes lane on its own. The mine counter is off by one. The crosshairs lean. All of it is visible, if you look. PARTY MODE (BETA) Multiplayer for the whole table. Everybody plays on THEIR OWN phone over ordinary wi-fi. No internet, no server, no account. The same question at the same second, points for speed, a ranking at the end. He cheats everybody at once, which is at least fair. HONEST ABOUT THE DISHONESTY • NO REAL MONEY. Entry fees, top-ups and every single "handling fee" are paid in in-game currency only. He cheats inside the game, never on your card. • Works offline. No connection required. • No account, no sign-up. • No hidden charges. That joke stays inside the game. "The rules are posted in the studio. Somewhere."