Lemon Lot: Used Car Tycoon

Six cars on a gravel forecourt in Calderwick. Big Ron has gone to Spain and left you the keys, the padlock, the kettle and a drawer of brown letters nobody ever opened. Lemon Lot is a used car dealer simulator about the gap between what a car is and what the windscreen card says it is. Tuesday you buy at auction. Saturday you sell to whoever walks onto the gravel. In between, you decide what the buyer gets told. EVERY CAR HAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT Thirty-six faults, from a kerbed wheel to a shell that used to be two cars. For each one you get three buttons: fix it, hide it, or say it out loud. Fixing costs money today. Saying it costs price today. Hiding costs nothing today, and that is the entire trap. THE WINDSCREEN CARD IS YOUR MOUTH Two claims fit on a card. One careful owner. Genuine low mileage. Spirited previous owner. Every one of them lifts what a buyer will pay, and every one of them is a thing somebody can check while stood in front of you. BUYERS ARE PEOPLE, NOT WALLETS Thirty-six of them, with names and reasons for being there on a Saturday. A lad who passed his test eight days ago, here with a dad who knows even less. A man who will sit in every car on the lot and buy whichever has the best cupholders. And the one in the flat cap with a torch, a magnet and a tread gauge, already underneath your best motor. THE POST ARRIVES Sell a lemon and it does not end there. A voicemail at twenty to eight. A one star review that just quotes your own card back at you. A refund demand typed by somebody's daughter. A small claims form. Then Calderwick Trading Standards, who are polite, thorough, and having a lovely time. SIX YEARS, ONE WEEK AT A TIME No timers, no energy bar, no waiting for anything to finish. The week moves when you move it, and it saves on every decision, so you can put it down mid-auction and pick it up mid-auction on Thursday. Better tools see more at the hall. Better staff see more still, and the inspection window is never long enough for all six. Declare everything and you will be the most honest broke man in Calderwick. Hide everything and you are shut inside a year. The money is in between, and the line keeps moving. FREE AND OFFLINE No purchases of any kind. Adverts only, and they never interrupt a haggle. Plays with the aeroplane mode on. Full English and Korean. Fraud, played for laughs. Nobody in it is real: no real dealer, no real town, no real make of car. Nothing in here explains how to actually fake anything, and it never will.