Roast Me: Sarcastic Comedy

Tired of "AI" roast apps that want your face, make you wait for a server, and then hand you a polite, filtered insult that sounds like everyone else's? So were we. Roast Me has no AI. No photo uploads. No internet required. Tap a button. Get roasted. That's the whole app. WRITTEN, NOT GENERATED Over 2,000 original roasts per language — every one written by hand, read out loud, and cut if it didn't land. No AI generating on the fly. No recycled templates with your name swapped in. No filler. The difference shows up around roast number twelve, when the app that "uses AI" starts repeating itself and this one doesn't. WE'RE NOT ROASTING YOUR FACE We're roasting your decisions. Six things we know about you: • THE DATING APP GRAVEYARD Your "I'm just here to see what happens" energy, and the 400 unread matches proving otherwise. • THE SCROLL What your feed says about your life vs. what your search history says about your life. • THE CONFIDENCE "I don't care what people think" — said every five minutes, to anyone who will listen. • THE PORTFOLIO Your "I only invest based on research" strategy, built entirely from tips you saw scrolling at midnight. • THE ASPIRING INFLUENCER Your "growing organically" milestone, arriving suspiciously close to your paid campaign. • THE OFFICE Your "quick sync" that could have been an email, about a meeting that could have been a message. WITTY, NOT VULGAR This isn't a swear word generator. Every roast is built the way good stand-up is built: setup, turn, and a punchline that lands because it's true — not because it's crude. Sharp enough to sting. Clever enough to screenshot. The kind of burn you send to a friend, not the kind you apologize for. YOUR PHONE STAYS YOURS Other roast apps ask for your camera. They upload your face to a server you've never heard of, in a country you didn't choose. We ask for nothing. • No photo upload. No camera permission. • No account. No login. No email. • 100% offline — every roast ships inside the app. • Get roasted on a plane, on the subway, or in a dead zone. Instantly. Nothing you do in this app leaves your phone. WHAT YOU GET • 2,000+ hand-written roasts per language. • Full English and Spanish — written natively in both, not machine-translated. • Share any roast in one tap. • Haptic feedback on every burn. FREE, THEN FAIR Start with 30 free roasts. Want more? Watch a short video for 20 more. Or unlock everything forever for $0.99 — unlimited roasts, no ads, one payment. No weekly subscription. No credits. No tokens. No "premium tier three." That's it. Roast Me is comedy. Every joke targets behavior we've all been guilty of — the delusions, the excuses, the tiny lies we tell ourselves at 2am. Nobody is a target. Everybody is. Tap the button. See how well we know you.